How I can help couples struggling with the impact of infidelity, porn, etc.
Being in a relationship with a person with compulsive, destructive behaviors involving alcohol or drug addiction, withholding intimacy, pornography, emotional affairs, infidelity, and sex workers, etc. is extraordinarily painful and damaging to the partner.
On the other hand, being the betrayer who is trying to learn a new way of living life without their coping mechanism and facing up to the damage they have caused - especially the trauma they have caused their partner isn't easy either. To live really free is more than just getting sober. Recovery is pursuing a full life of intimacy- which requires authenticity, vulnerability, and safety from both partners. This can be the scariest thing both partners have ever done.
When you and your partner have read the books, attended groups or therapy, and still feel like nothing you do is working to make the relationship better- and stay better... a coach may be the guide you need to help guide you out of the fog that has rested on your path. There is a way out, you may just not be able to see it yet. I have been through this myself. Allow me to come alongside both of you and help you find your way out.
Whether you suspect something is off, just discovered secrets, are wanting to start the disclosure process, or have already gone through it, I can help coach you through what may feel like hell on Earth. Do not try to walk this path alone! There are too many things to know and the stakes are too high to try to figure it out as you go. Too many individuals and couples waste decades and thousands of dollars with ineffective help from people who don't have real expertise in this area.
Well-meaning family, friends, and even religious leaders and therapists all have opinions about what they think you should do. As a professionally trained coach, I do not have a vested interest if you stay or leave the relationship. Coaching provides a safe place and protected time for you to talk about whatever is on your mind in a way that helps you get clarity about how you feel and what you really want underneath the anger, pain, and numbness.
Full Disclosure Support
Full disclosure in a relationship is a carefully planned process for someone to fully come clean about behavior that has been hidden, sometimes for decades. When properly executed, both partners are supported by a guide, usually a therapist or coach. The betraying partner methodically writes out a disclosure that fully explains the extent of their behavior without details that cause unnecessary damage and triggers that have to be overcome later. While disclosure is primarily meant for the betrayed partner's benefit so they can truly know their reality and regain full consent, the betraying partner also benefits because the secrets that have kept them ensnared are revealed. They suddenly feel free! Full disclosures and the Rite of Truth meetings are planned traumatic events. Full disclosure shouldn't "just happen" to an unsuspecting partner. The betrayed partner has lost their voice in so many ways, this is when they should start regaining it by making choices throughout this process. In order to make clear-headed and wise choices, the betrayed partner will need support to be prepared.
The process to properly prepare a partner for the Rite of Truth meeting takes on average 8-10 sessions, depending on the couple and specific circumstances. I have supported both the unfaithful and the betrayed partners with disclosure preparation (including coordinating with the other partner's therapist/coach) and can facilitate the Rite of Truth/Disclosure meeting.