About Cheryl CPC-c
I became a coach to more effectively support women and couples who are hurting and not sure how to handle a partner's betrayal.
I have been very blessed to be able to work with some of the best professionals in the area of professional coaching, sex addiction, betrayal trauma, Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model (ERCEM), Attachment Theory, IFS (Internal Family Systems), Boundaries, and Family of Origin work. Unfortunately, there are not enough of them and too many well-meaning people who just give plain bad advice. So here is my approach to working with people who are trying to figure processes and heal from one of the hardest experiences in life.
1) I will never tell a betrayed partner that the reason the other partner is lusting after other people has anything to do with the betrayed partner. Some of the world's most attractive women and men are cheated on. It wasn't due to their lack of beauty, their ability to be the perfect spouse, or how good they were in the bedroom. Their partner's betrayal was due to their own brokenness, lack of integrity, and selfishness. You being more perfect, more submitted/Godly, more available... isn't the solution. You can be assured of this because you can't make a whole person with integrity cheat for any of these reasons.
2) I will never tell a betrayed client they aren't committed or Godly enough if they choose to leave or they are weak if they choose to stay. That is a choice that only the betrayed partner can make because every situation is complicated and they are the one that has to live with the consequences. And I won't judge if your decision to stay or leave changes each week.
3) I believe that addictions/compulsive behaviors are used to numb out or avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings. We may hate the behavior and the pain it causes, but I believe in treating the person genuinely pursuing recovery with dignity. It takes a lot of courage to admit their transgressions, live with the consequences, and stay in order to try to repair the damage they have caused. That takes a lot of courage and fortitude that many people do not have.
Training/Knowledge that equips me to support people well
APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model Training - (Trained by Barbara Steffens Ph.D. and Carol Juergensen Sheets)
Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model ( Trained by Carol Juergensen Sheets and Jake Porter EdD.)
Religious Leader Training (Trained by Barbara Steffens Ph.D and Aviva Kohl)
Group Peer Facilitator Training - A Door of Hope ( Most respected group facilitator training program specializing in betrayal trauma.)
Coach U graduate- Coach U is a global leader in training professional coaches.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) for Coaches -IFS Institute
Couples Developmental Theory - Ellyn Bader Ph.D.
As part of the certification process for APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) certification, I have had the privilege of being trained by and/or supervised by the most respected CSAT (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist) therapists who also have specialized training in betrayal trauma. These include Carol Juergensen Sheets, Dan Drake, Barbara Steffens Ph.D., Janice Caudill Ph.D., and Jake Porter EdD.
The credential that clients value the most though is that I have experienced betrayal trauma personally and not only lived through it but am flourishing. I really do understand all the feelings including anger, fear, uncertainty, isolation, and numbness. I get the feeling that you can't trust anyone, and nothing feels reliable- including God!
Prior to coaching, I spent almost twenty years with one of the world's largest investment firms in a variety of positions including retirement expert, institutional plan conversion leader, broker, compliance officer, but my favorite was leading teams of investment professionals in the brokerage department. I held the 4, 6,7, 24, and 63 licenses in all 50 states until I left the business in 2013. My hobbies include fostering dogs and traveling but most of the time I am reading and learning new stuff. My husband and I have been together 19 years and are raising our two daughters in Neenah, Wisconsin.